My Kid Could Paint That

Diego Velasquez, Mars, 1640

Velasquez's Mars is satire, pure and simple. The powerful god of war isn't slaying foes in battle, or standing with arms akimbo with the wind blowing through his magnificence mustache - he's tired, melancholy  and maybe a little defeated.

So why surround the god of war with such pastel colors? The baby pinks and blues clash with the hard metal of his shield and helmet -- but they certainly add to the ridiculousness. A working theory concerning poor Mars' melancholia is his unrequited love for Venus, who's married to Vulcan. Velasquez painted another work titled Vulcan's Forge where Apollo informs Vulcan of Mars' infatuation with his wife -- while Vulcan works on armor for Mars. Maybe this painting is the follow-up to that meeting. A lover's quarrel or a confrontation could put anyone in a foul mood.

Velasquez strips Mars of his power and strength and makes him look absolutely ridiculous. Is this an allegory about the trappings of love? Or perhaps a comment on the more sensitive soldiers of the Spanish army. It's up to you to decide.

Diego Velazquez Vulcan's Forge, 1630

Interrupting a steamy moment, Apollo pops in where Vulcan and his buddies are making "weapons of war." He drops by to let Vulcan know that his Mrs. is having an affair with Mars. Disturbed and embarrassed by the news, Vulcan stands to Apollo's left with his shoulders and face expressing his clear discomfort. Whether because a God just appeared in the room, or the personal nature of his visit, Velazquez also does a fantastic job of showing the shock of the others in the room. During a time where painting movement was the acclaimed talent, Velazquez paints a scene of shock and stillness that still embodies the Counter-Reformation trends.

Supposedly making armor for none other than Mars himself, Vulcan and his men are set up in a forge where Velazquez beautifully details the background with objects that would have been found in the smitheries and forges. Along with their steamy smelting, Velazquez adds, or rather doesn't add, a drapery with little covering over Vulcan and his barefoot works.  In contrast to this, Apollo appears in a longer, flowing covering and sandals. The God of Sun radiates with knowledge and power in the room, looking pretty full of himself with his hand position and facial expression. Where the minimally-covered men look in shock and wonder.

Vulcan, smoking hot metal in hand, looks terribly dangerous with his Caravaggio-like face, and strong body. The bodies of all of the smelters in the forge look healthy and muscular, but Vulcan's face looks troubled and quite angry, like he could strike out at Apollo with his burning weapon at any moment. Velazquez painted this scene with tension and curiosity and fully embraced the new characteristics of the Counter-Reformation with his style and composition.