Useless Lamentations and Rose-Colored Men

Rembrandt





By MEGAN GANNON

Useless Lamentations and Rose Colored Men 
The Counterproductive Resurrection 



Excerpt from back of the Album: 
In their first ever duo album, Useless Lamentations and Rose Colored Men have teamed up to bring you The Counterproductive Resurrection, an album bred in gospel tunes and head banging tracks. Stevie Urban and Francis Barefoot, the lead singers of the bands, describe their album as the heart and soul of nothingness, describing how no matter hard you try all of our actions in the end up being counterproductive...hence the album title. They explore their counterproductiveness through the rough tones and soft melodies of handcrafted banjos.

Rembrandt's The Abduction of Ganymede, struck the band’s fancy due to its dark undertones yet surprisingly optimistic outlook with the hawk’s successful capture. The bands see the child as a representation of humanity, and view themselves as the hawk, charged with drawing the voice from the screaming child. Useless Lamentations has opted to not take profits from the album’s launch, only wishing that listeners give them their soul instead. They mean this in the sense that fans send in a piece of hair, so the band can use it for their costumes for their upcoming world tour. In their final note about the album, both bands reiterate the importance of title, saying “Do not, do nothing, and let the hawk come down upon and carry you screaming soul away." 


Editor's Note: Students happened upon a cache of hidden records with cover art from the Baroque masters. They were charged to investigate the vinyls. The above are their findings. 
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Lovestruck and Livestock, Thisbe

Ethan Doskey

By ETHAN DOSKEY

Lovestruck and Livestock
Thisbe (Deluxe Edition)

In the front cover of this album lay several scattered sheets of notebook paper covered with sloppy handwriting. These words transcribed an interview with Bean Handerson, the lead band member of Lovestruck and Livestock.

"Bean, what caused you to temporarily leave Deathro Dull to for Lovestruck and Livestock?"

"Well chap, I felt like letting go, you know? I feel like as a society we a too clingy and feel like we have an umbilical cord connecting us with these false desires and 'needs' as if we're grown babies swimming in this pool of helplessness, to put it frankly."

"You are a renown self-taught oboe player and you used to make masterful solos back with Dethro Dull; I don't remember hearing any of that in Thisbe.

"Actually, it is still there, but we decided to record them from across the pasture in France where the recording studio."

"So that explains this thirty seconds of seemingly silent audio in 'Automotive Gasp'..."

"Exacto-runey, I wanted to fabricate this sense of confusion and intrigue in the piece."

"And why did you chose Rembrandt's Slaughtered Ox as the album cover?"

"Well, you know... *unintelligible*.... and I think it really speaks to our music, you know? And the woman in the background is like this mystifying being who is casting a spell of the viewer and... *unintelligible*... you know? *unintelligible*... so that's why we decided on the name Thisbe."

Editor's Note: Students happened upon a cache of hidden records with cover art from the Baroque masters. They were charged to investigate the vinyls. The above are their findings. 
  • 7:00 AM

The Crucifixion

Bryan Lundgren

Crucifixion
Curated by Bryan Lundgren

Rembrandt, The Crucifixion, 1633

The Crucifixion by Rembrandt closes my exhibit.  In the painting, the audience discovers Jesus painfully paying for our sins.  The global community needs to take Jesus’s commandments (love and peace for each other), so He - along with innocent people - will not suffer.  Do not get me wrong: I am guilty of these problems.  But let us forgive the past and fix the future.      
  • 7:00 AM